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Top Mood Killers in the Boudoir
You’ve got the date locked and you’re on it. It’s going great. The attraction level is intense and you can’t help but think where it’s going to end up, “his place or mine.” Pack the dessert up for sensual teasing body part licking games for later and get to a bedroom!
You arrive at your destination and the make out session is hot and heavy. Articles of clothing become scattered throughout the house as you make your way down the hall and into the bedroom. You’re there; lips are still locked and you can’t help but notice a dirty dish on the nightstand next to the bed you’re getting ready to roll around in. Even worse, looks like an unfinished bowl of day old oatmeal.And just like that–MOOD KILLER!
There are definitely varying degrees of mood killers in the boudoir for him and her. Here are a few you definitely want to take notes on to secure a passionate tango between the sheets:
Having a picture of an ex in full view
This applies to both sexes; moreso for her. No woman wants to see a picture of another chick in the bedroom. Granted, it might not stop her from having sex with you but you’re guaranteed to be questioned after the deed is done (if you get there).
“Who let the dogs in?!”
Ok, I know, I know. It’s just a dog. The problem here, is most dogs are protective of their owners. The moaning and groaning coming from the bed could be easily be misinterpreted by your best friend as a cry for help. Now you’re competing for bed space and getting barked at by another bitch in bed. Keep the pets out of the room.
Romper Room
While a romp is indeed what you’re going for, no man or woman wants to get down and dirty in a twin or day bed. To really kill it, HE has posters of hot air-brushed chicks and SHE has an entire room of Hello Kitty pink linens and plush toys. How old are you again? It’s time to get a big boy bed and say “goodbye kitty” and have a beanie baby bon fire.
Follow the “bed” crumbs
Clean sheets. Enough said. (No one wants to wake up with a cheeto up their ass.)
“Please leave a message after the tone…”
It’s heating up and you’ve exchanged positions at least three times now. House phone rings. Ignored and onto position change number four. Then the dreaded answering machine comes on. She’s about to explode when “Hello? Are you there? Pick up if you’re there. This is your mother calling” blurts out from the box next to the bed. FAIL. So close but thanks for playing. Keep your answering machine off and silence your phones–all of them.
I’m sure there’s plenty more but these are just the basics in the event your common sense lapses.
Please feel free to share some of your mood killers here. In the meantime, happy flinging!
The Jersey Shore Appeal
Posted by Tech Babe in Dating trends, Featured articles, Latest on January 15, 2010
What is it with those guys at the Jersey Shore? If there’s anything we can all take away from it, it’s the lines! Oh the lines! It’s reality entertainment at its best. What’s even more entertaining is, the lines these guys run and the attitudes they carry when they’re out “creepin’” actually work! Really?
“She ditched a zero and went for a hero.”
Mike, aka, “The Situation”, doesn’t seem to have a problem in the hook-up arena. Why? Let’s break it down. He’s self righteous, pompous, a major douche, and lives by the “GTL” credo (gym, tan, and laundry). The appeal? Confidence. Let’s face it, chicks dig assholes with confidence even though they refuse to believe so. Now that’s not 100% full proof, but a chick can at least mess around with an asshole for momentary fun.
“Girls love a DJ, so once they see me behind the wheels of steel over there, doing my thing… watch out.”
Pauly D is The Situation’s wingman which doesn’t always work out in his favor. He’s had to take more than one for the team. While he’s all about hooking up with chicks too, he’s not so obvious with it, unlike The Situation. His appeal is his style. It doesn’t hurt that he’s a DJ too.
“I would send her a picture of my dick in a pack of bubblegum & say ‘chew on this’.”
Ronnie, contrary to how the season started, is the only guy in the house that sealed a relationship with Sammie, one of the female room-mates. In more than a handful of episodes, Ronnie demonstrates his machismo attitude by “fists meeting face” against those that are threatening his pack. His appeal? He’s a protector with a sensitive side and is clear on what’s right and wrong. Chick’s totally dig this in a guy, just be smart enough not to go to jail.
“Then there are some girls that are respectful, that you have to just actually treat like girls, human beings.”
And finally, we have Vinny. Vinny’s the youngest guy in the guido household yet seems to have the most sense when it comes to chicks and hooking up. He takes a much more cool, calm, and collected approach to girl chasing. If he clicks with a girl, cool. If not, no biggie. He’s of a “chill” mindset; a “roll with the punches” kinda’ guy, which for some girls, is all they’re looking for.
Now that we have the break-down here, these guys have their own variation of appeal factors that all lead them to a successful hook-up. The girls they hook-up with are direct products of the appeal they send off.
Having said that, knowing what kind of appeal you send off and what you’re attracted to can explain why you choose the people you date. This, in turn, can save you a lot of time and energy when getting ready for your next date.
End the Year with a BANG!
Posted by Tech Babe in PhoneFling on December 31, 2009
New Year’s eve brings the whore out in everyone. It’s the perfect excuse to shove your tongue down a stranger’s throat at the stroke of midnight without getting slapped (maybe). It’s also a perfect opportunity for one night stands. With all the boozing flowing through your veins, your thought process will be overly skewed and you might wake up in an unfamiliar place with a stranger next to you the next morning. Having said that, and while you are still in the right mind-set, get your New Year’s eve emergency kit ready to go! (AKA “Walk of Shame Kit.”)
Your NYE emergency kit should consist of the following:
- A pair of clean panties. Preferably a thong so it fits nicely in your purse. Girls only. Guys can go days.
- Dark sunglasses, unless you’re into doing the walk of shame with your head held high.
- Gum/breath-mints. Chances are you won’t be using your one night stand’s toothbrush.
- $75 – $100 in cash for that cab ride home or in the event you’re trying to ditch the sucker. Add an extra five dollars for your morning shot of espresso.
- Condoms–at least four. One to back up the one that broke, one to give to your friend, and the other for going another round.
- Lastly, a post-it note with two of your friend’s phone numbers on it. Technology has made it very difficult to memorize phone numbers anymore. Fold it up and tuck it in your shoe or purse. You’ll remember it’s there if you’re in a bind.
You’ll probably want to incorporate an overcoat with your NYE outfit in the event you lose your clothes. Well folks, that about wraps it up for the decade they call “The Noughties.” Speaking of “wrap,” be smart, be safe, keep it sexy and KEEP IT WRAPPED!
HAPPY WHORING and NEW YEAR!
(Also check out “Essential Supplies for Car Sex.“)
“The Fourth Kind”
Posted by Tech Babe in Dating tips, Featured articles, Latest on December 7, 2009
With the plethora of social networking sites and “Googling” being a necessary daily activity, it has become more than challenging to not be a stalker. The same goes for online dating sites even more so with the personal profile people give up. Profiles are created to attract. That is the goal, right? So first comes the attraction, then comes the flirtation, and finally, what at least one of you hopes for, comes the connection. The attraction is the easy part. But the road to connection street could get a bit tricky. How does one remain persistent in their pursuit without being deemed a stalker? Let’s first understand the four kinds of stalking:
The 1st Kind: SIGHTING – Checks out your profiles on various social networking sites for the mere sake of checking it out. Everyone does this so this is okay.
The 2nd Kind: EVIDENCE – Goes beyond your online profile and starts “following” or “friending” your friends and family to add to their own accounts. (So not cool. Stop any form of contact and initiate the cock-block or clam-jam.)
The 3rd Kind: CONTACT – Randomly shows up at the same place at the same time when you don’t live or work in the same neighborhood. (Have your restraining order ready.)
The 4th Kind: ABDUCTION – If it gets to this point, sorry couldn’t help you. But you will be celebritized on CNN, I’m sure.
Now that the four kinds of stalking have been established, here are a few anti-stalker guiding principles:
- If the person you’ve been having flirtatious exchanges with stops reciprocating all of sudden, STOP! There’s nothing creepier than receiving a text that reads “I’m beating off to your profile pic baby” after you’ve made it clear you’re no longer interested. Move on, assuming you’re the guy with your cock in your hand.
- DO NOT, under any circumstance, “just show up” at the same place as your interested party after tracing their every move from their Twitter or Facebook updates. If you happen to be at the same place at the same time, casually walk over and give a quick greeting and salutation and walk away. At least pretend you weren’t stalking the person.
- While the “wait three days to call back” rule no longer applies after a first date, it’s not okay to call, leave a message, and then follow it up with a text message to say you called and left a message. If he/she is interested, they’ll call you back.
- Pursuant to the third point above, if weeks have gone by, or hell, even months, and he/she still hasn’t returned your phone call or text, don’t leave another message indicating you’re still waiting for the call. (“Hello Desperado.”)
- Regardless of how great your Photo Shop skills are, don’t start shopping him/her into your photos and then post it to your Facebook or Flickr accounts. (That’s just creepy.)
If you are guilty of any of the aforementioned, then you should start re-evaluating your online pursuits or you could end up in jail. Persistence is good but be casual and be prepared for rejection.
Connection-SUCCESSFUL!
Posted by Tech Babe in Dating trends, Featured articles, Latest on November 17, 2009
After months of perusing online dating sites, creating multiple online dating profiles, playing Tetris with key characteristics, and five paychecks wasted on dry dates, a’las, you’ve found your match! Now, the million dollar question (or whatever amount you’ve dished on these online dating services, unless it’s free like PhoneFling)…
“Do you keep your online dating profiles up and active?”
After taking an independent poll, made up of a few co-workers, Twit-Heads, and even a few BFFs, I’ve concluded the answer to this question is influenced by the direct correlation between your dating objective and your dating type:
|
Dating Objective: |
Dating Type: |
Answer: |
|
Casual |
Sack-Roller |
Yes |
|
Relationship |
Cruiser |
Perhaps |
|
Marriage |
Sucker |
No |
The “Sack-Roller” isn’t looking for anything more than a roll in the sack, a pounding on the hood of a car, or a bladder stabbing in a dark corner. Like the sack-roller’s sex drive, their online dating profile will remain active.
The “Cruiser” is a bit more complex. The cruiser likes relationships and wouldn’t mind having a relationship, but is analogous to that of a job-seeker. Once a job-seeker lands that job, does the job-seeker keep his/her on-line resume updated and active? Sure. Why? Because the job-seeker is always open to newer and better opportunities, IF it exists. However, the job-seeker’s response to newer and better opportunities is swayed by their current state of contention. Meaning, offers may still come in but can be rejected or ignored if the job-seeker is perfectly satisfied with his/her current position. Just like the job-seeker, while the cruiser may keep their online dating profile active, responding to other “offers” or “requests” may be in-active.
The “Sucker…” well, I think that’s self-explanatory.
There you have it. But now that I think of it, what you do with your online dating profile post-connection isn’t really up to you, is it? No. It’s up to the “connecteee” and how they feel about you keeping it active while you’re with them. In that case, the answer is “Yes” to all. (Well that was a waste of energy.)
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