Posts Tagged Sex
Better Late Than Never?
Posted by Tech Babe in Dating tips, Featured articles, Latest on February 20, 2010
…or is it? Forget the 24-hour coverage of the Winter Olympics. Yesterday’s worldwide top news story was Tiger Woods’ public apology for cheating on his wife–repeatedly. While many could care less, this was a huge ordeal! Could you imagine having the whole world tune in to your admittance of guilt and promising change and recovery? Yeah, I didn’t think so. It would be mortifying! This is soooooo a modern day “scarlet letter” classic! But did Tiger’s apology come too late? I mean, come on. It’s been about two months since the story broke and he became the new poster child for the show Cheaters. Does the old cliche “better late than never” apply here? Is there still hope?
For Tiger, we all get that he had a lot to lose. And being a public figure requires a formal statement, which is probably part of the reason why it took so long. But for the rest of us, or most of us, waiting this long would be too late, let alone accepting the apology at all. Why? Because the idea of “trust” is completely thrown out the window. Trust is one of the fundamental foundation blocks to any relationship. Regardless if one chooses to accept the apology and forgive, that’s a tough comeback! While there are a multitude of layers of trust, this wasn’t an “I spent the money on a new pair of shoes instead of paying the cable bill,” type of situation. This was an “all you can eat assorted sushi Tiger roll” type of situation. How do you come back from that? While Tiger’s wife, Elin, is willing to support his path to recovery, do you really think she’ll ever trust him again? She had it right when she stated “[his] apology will not come in the form of words, but will come in the form of action and [his] behavior.” That still doesn’t answer the question though.
In most matters of infidelity, apologies are nothing more than an ask for another chance. This, of course, is a slippery slope if the chance is granted. “I’ll give you another a chance. But that means I get the passwords to your email and voice mail, you have to be home by 6:30PM everyday, have lunch with me everyday, and call me every hour on the hour.” What idiot would accept those terms? (I could actually name a few, but I won’t.)
Apologies can also be a closing statements to end the relationship all together. “Sorry, I f’d up. Didn’t mean to hurt you…but I refuse to give you my email and voice mail password, have no idea what time I’ll get home everyday, can’t take you to lunch with me daily, and will most likely forget to call you every hour on the hour.” I’d say this is a much more honest and sincere apology.
To each his own, I guess.
Good luck Tiger! Hope to see you back in full schwing! (I meant “swing.” Full Swing!)
“Brangelina” – Open for Business?
Posted by Tech Babe in Dating tips, Dating trends, Featured articles, Latest on January 25, 2010
With the recent hums of Brad and Angelina’s talks of a potential split, due to the introduction of an “open” relationship, it made me wonder. Is there such a thing? And could it actually work?
According to the ever-knowing online wiki, “an open relationship is a relationship in which the participants are free to have emotional, spiritual and/or physical relationships with other partners, often within mutually agreed limits. If a couple in an open relationship is married, it can be called an open marriage.”
Really? Let me dissect this definition a bit.
“…participants are free to have emotional, spiritual and/or physical relationships with other partners.” Ok, I get the “physical” aspect of it, but I don’t understand the “emotional” or “spiritual” arms of that statement. Why on earth would anyone be in a relationship if they haven’t attained an emotional or spiritual level with that person? That’s all that’s left in relationship outside of the sex part. Call it what it is– a “hook-up.”
“…within mutually agreed limits” translates to rules. Based on a few online publications I found on this topic, all shared a first and foremost fundamental rule on open relationships: Communicate and be open to sharing your experiences. Are you f***ing kidding me with this? First of all, if you’re not already communicating with one another, you’re wasting your time. And secondly, I highly doubt any man would sit through dinner where standard table conversation would be how I got rammed in the back door by a stallion. No thank you.
Here are a few other rules I found in a single online publication on open relationships:
- Always practice safe sex outside the relationship.
- No sex with mutual friends.
- Sexual encounters must not interfere with the couple’s customary or planned time together.
- Sex is permissible only when one partner is out of town.
- Outside sex is only allowed with advance agreement with one’s lover.
- Outside sex is allowed only when both partners participate.
- Outside sex is never permitted at home.
- Sex is permitted at home, but not in the bedroom.
[Read more]
Aren’t relationships complicated enough without rules? Rules are what kills most relationships.
“If a couple in an open relationship is married, it can be called an open marriage.” Then why the hell did you get married in the first place? It would be more understandable if this was “green card” situation. Chances are, it’s not. Not in this context. Add kids to the mix and the entire family are prime candidates for a series of daytime talk shows.
Apparently, there is such a thing as open relationships, based on the wealth of online content out there on this very topic. Could it work? I don’t see how, looking at all of the rules in play. I’m no dating or relationships expert, but I’ve got a pretty good handle on common sense.
What about you?
End the Year with a BANG!
Posted by Tech Babe in PhoneFling on December 31, 2009
New Year’s eve brings the whore out in everyone. It’s the perfect excuse to shove your tongue down a stranger’s throat at the stroke of midnight without getting slapped (maybe). It’s also a perfect opportunity for one night stands. With all the boozing flowing through your veins, your thought process will be overly skewed and you might wake up in an unfamiliar place with a stranger next to you the next morning. Having said that, and while you are still in the right mind-set, get your New Year’s eve emergency kit ready to go! (AKA “Walk of Shame Kit.”)
Your NYE emergency kit should consist of the following:
- A pair of clean panties. Preferably a thong so it fits nicely in your purse. Girls only. Guys can go days.
- Dark sunglasses, unless you’re into doing the walk of shame with your head held high.
- Gum/breath-mints. Chances are you won’t be using your one night stand’s toothbrush.
- $75 – $100 in cash for that cab ride home or in the event you’re trying to ditch the sucker. Add an extra five dollars for your morning shot of espresso.
- Condoms–at least four. One to back up the one that broke, one to give to your friend, and the other for going another round.
- Lastly, a post-it note with two of your friend’s phone numbers on it. Technology has made it very difficult to memorize phone numbers anymore. Fold it up and tuck it in your shoe or purse. You’ll remember it’s there if you’re in a bind.
You’ll probably want to incorporate an overcoat with your NYE outfit in the event you lose your clothes. Well folks, that about wraps it up for the decade they call “The Noughties.” Speaking of “wrap,” be smart, be safe, keep it sexy and KEEP IT WRAPPED!
HAPPY WHORING and NEW YEAR!
(Also check out “Essential Supplies for Car Sex.“)
“PhoneShag Nominated for Dating Program of the Year”
Posted by Tech Babe in Featured articles, Latest, Mobile dating, PhoneFling on December 26, 2009
Last Minute Gift Ideas
Posted by Tech Babe in Dating tips, Dating trends, Featured articles, Latest on December 22, 2009
It’s three days before Christmas and you’re still coming up empty for that special someone. What to do? The more important question is “what to get?”
First, consider your budget. He/She isn’t earning your paycheck, so they have no right to dictate what they want from you (unless it’s sex). Next, consider their worth. How much does he/she really mean to you? Bed buddies shouldn’t expect anything (unless it’s sex). Lastly, consider the length of time you two have been dating. If you’ve made it through several holiday seasons together already, then your sheer presence should be gift enough (accompanied by sex).
I’ve compiled a few last minute gift ideas that should fit into a mix and match of these considerations.
For Her:
- Scented Candles [Tip: Stay away from floral scented candles, unless she’s an old hag. Vanilla is always a winner!]
- Foot Spa – This is a bonus for guys. Every girl needs one of these, and best of all, you won’t ever have to rub her feet again!
- Chocolate Fondue Set - If she’s feeling kinky enough, she might let you lick the chocolate off her private parts.
- Weight Scale – While chicks are always checking their weight, be careful with this one guys. This might lead to a never ending game of twenty questions. The only difference is it would be the same question over and over and over again: “Am I fat?”
- Day Spa Gift Certificate – This is the perfect gift that says “I care about your well being.” It also gets her out your hair for at least a couple of hours depending on the amount you give.
For Him:
- Gym bag – This is a multi-purpose gift. He can use it to carry his smelly gym clothes or you can use it to pack in all of his crap that he left behind at your place after you throw him out.
- Bathrobe – Nothing like cuddling up next to a man who feels like, and might be the size of, a big plush teddy bear.
- Bar Ware – This is for the man who still drinks scotch out of college party cups. (You know who you are.)
- An HD Handheld Video Cam – Only make this purchase if you don’t mind being a porn star one night. Ladies…you will be filmed.
- Best Buy Gift Card – This is the perfect gift that says “I know it’s not enough for a 50” plasma but that should be motivation to do something with your life.”
Hope this helps. If all else fails, go with booze. A good bottle with the right amount of consumption is sure to end with sex.
Have Merry Sexy Christmas!
“Cock-Will-Do-Her-Screw”
Posted by Tech Babe in Dating tips, Featured articles, Latest on November 25, 2009
Ah yes, the holiday season is here. And there’s no better way to spend it than to spend it with only your closest friends and family. Keep that in mind when deciding if you should invite your significant other, who you met online, to partake in family holiday traditions.
At what point in your relationship do you bring your boyfriend/girlfriend home for the holidays?
The holiday season always makes this a tough question to answer, let alone all the factors you have to consider. I’ll do my best in bringing some of those considerations to light.
Q: Is this someone you’d bring around your family?
A: If yes, then you should have done so already. If no, then no need to read further.
Q: Have you already introduced your girlfriend/boyfriend to the family in another, less formal setting?
A: If yes, I don’t see any harm. Plus it alleviates all the annoying questions asked by your nosey aunts, such as, “why didn’t you bring so and so?” “Does so and so not like us?” “Are you embarrassed by us?” You get the picture.
But if not, then Thanksgiving is probably not the best setting to bring in an outlier to witness your drunk-ass uncles double dipping while picking at the food out on the table.
Q: Are you looking to get laid during the holidays?
A: Silly question, I know. Who the hell wouldn’t? However, remember, Thanksgiving is a selfless holiday, or it’s supposed to be, anyway. Depending on what you decided with the first two questions will steer you in the right direction for this one.
Just because you don’t invite your boyfriend/girlfriend to Thanksgiving dinner with your family doesn’t mean you can’t get laid. Schedule a post-turkey hook-up so she can have her cock and eat it too.
I hope this was somewhat helpful in answering the original question at hand. The fundamental take away here is to consider what kind of a relationship you are currently in. If all this thinking and relationship analysis made your head hurt, then you’re probably only interested in a “cock-will-do-her-screw”. In which case, leave the girlfriend/boyfriend out.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
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