Posts Tagged Bedroom Tips

New Year’s eve brings the whore out in everyone. It’s the perfect excuse to shove your tongue down a stranger’s throat at the stroke of midnight without getting slapped (maybe). It’s also a perfect opportunity for one night stands. With all the boozing flowing through your veins, your thought process will be overly skewed and you might wake up in an unfamiliar place with a stranger next to you the next morning. Having said that, and while you are still in the right mind-set, get your New Year’s eve emergency kit ready to go! (AKA “Walk of Shame Kit.”)

Your NYE emergency kit should consist of the following:

1. A pair of clean panties. Preferably a thong so it fits nicely in your purse. Girls only. Guys can go days.
2. Dark sunglasses, unless you’re into doing the walk of shame with your head held high.
3. Gum/breath-mints. Chances are you won’t be using your one night stand’s toothbrush.
4. $75 – $100 in cash for that cab ride home or in the event you’re trying to ditch the sucker. Add an extra five dollars for your morning shot of espresso.
5. Condoms–at least four. One to back up the one that broke, one to give to your friend, and the other for going another round.
6. Lastly, a post-it note with two of your friend’s phone numbers on it. Technology has made it very difficult to memorize phone numbers anymore. Fold it up and tuck it in your shoe or purse. You’ll remember it’s there if you’re in a bind.

You’ll probably want to incorporate an overcoat with your NYE outfit in the event you lose your clothes. Well folks, that about wraps it up for the decade they call “The Noughties.” Speaking of “wrap,” be smart, be safe, keep it sexy and KEEP IT WRAPPED!

HAPPY WHORING and NEW YEAR!

(Also check out “Essential Supplies for Car Sex.“)