You’ve got the date locked and you’re on it. It’s going great. The attraction level is intense and you can’t help but think where it’s going to end up, “his place or mine.” Pack the dessert up for sensual teasing body part licking games for later and get to a bedroom!

You arrive at your destination and the make out session is hot and heavy. Articles of clothing become scattered throughout the house as you make your way down the hall and into the bedroom. You’re there; lips are still locked and you can’t help but notice a dirty dish on the nightstand next to the bed you’re getting ready to roll around in. Even worse, looks like an unfinished bowl of day old oatmeal.And just like that–MOOD KILLER!

There are definitely varying degrees of mood killers in the boudoir for him and her. Here are a few you definitely want to take notes on to secure a passionate tango between the sheets:

Having a picture of an ex in full view

This applies to both sexes; moreso for her. No woman wants to see a picture of another chick  in the bedroom. Granted, it might not stop her from having sex with you but you’re guaranteed to be questioned after the deed is done (if you get there).

“Who let the dogs in?!”

Ok, I know, I know. It’s just a dog. The problem here, is most dogs are protective of their owners. The moaning and groaning coming from the bed could be easily be misinterpreted by your best friend as a cry for help. Now you’re competing for bed space and getting barked at by another bitch in bed. Keep the pets out of the room.

Romper Room

While a romp is indeed what you’re going for, no man or woman wants to get down and dirty in a twin or day bed.  To really kill it, HE has posters of hot air-brushed chicks and SHE has an entire room of Hello Kitty pink linens and plush toys. How old are you again? It’s time to get a big boy bed and say “goodbye kitty” and have a beanie baby bon fire.

Follow the “bed” crumbs

Clean sheets. Enough said. (No one wants to wake up with a cheeto up their ass.)

“Please leave a message after the tone…”

It’s heating up and you’ve exchanged positions at least three times now. House phone rings. Ignored and onto position change number four. Then the dreaded answering machine comes on. She’s about to explode when “Hello? Are you there? Pick up if you’re there. This is your mother calling” blurts out from the box next to the bed. FAIL. So close but thanks for playing. Keep your answering machine off and silence your phones–all of them.

I’m sure there’s plenty more but these are just the basics in the event your common sense lapses.

Please feel free to share some of your mood killers here. In the meantime, happy flinging!