“The Fourth Kind”


The4thKindWith the plethora of social networking sites and “Googling” being a necessary daily activity, it has become more than challenging to not be a stalker. The same goes for online dating sites even more so with the personal profile people give up. Profiles are created to attract. That is the goal, right? So first comes the attraction, then comes the flirtation, and finally, what at least one of you hopes for, comes the connection. The attraction is the easy part. But the road to connection street could get a bit tricky. How does one remain persistent in their pursuit without being deemed a stalker? Let’s first understand the four kinds of stalking:

The 1st Kind: SIGHTING – Checks out your profiles on various social networking sites for the mere sake of checking it out. Everyone does this so this is okay.

The 2nd Kind: EVIDENCE – Goes beyond your online profile and starts “following” or “friending” your friends and family to add to their own accounts. (So not cool. Stop any form of contact and initiate the cock-block or clam-jam.)

The 3rd Kind: CONTACT – Randomly shows up at the same place at the same time when you don’t live or work in the same neighborhood. (Have your restraining order ready.)

The 4th Kind: ABDUCTION – If it gets to this point, sorry couldn’t help you. But you will be celebritized on CNN, I’m sure.

Now that the four kinds of stalking have been established, here are a few anti-stalker guiding principles:

  1. If the person you’ve been having flirtatious exchanges with stops reciprocating all of sudden, STOP! There’s nothing creepier than receiving a text that reads “I’m beating off to your profile pic baby” after you’ve made it clear you’re no longer interested. Move on, assuming you’re the guy with your cock in your hand.
  2. DO NOT, under any circumstance, “just show up” at the same place as your interested party after tracing their every move from their Twitter or Facebook updates. If you happen to be at the same place at the same time, casually walk over and give a quick greeting and salutation and walk away. At least pretend you weren’t stalking the person.
  3. While the “wait three days to call back” rule no longer applies after a first date, it’s not okay to call, leave a message, and then follow it up with a text message to say you called and left a message. If he/she is interested, they’ll call you back.
  4. Pursuant to the third point above, if weeks have gone by, or hell, even months, and he/she still hasn’t returned your phone call or text, don’t leave another message indicating you’re still waiting for the call. (“Hello Desperado.”)
  5. Regardless of how great your Photo Shop skills are, don’t start shopping him/her into your photos and then post it to your Facebook or Flickr accounts. (That’s just creepy.)

If you are guilty of any of the aforementioned, then you should start re-evaluating your online pursuits or you could end up in jail. Persistence is good but be casual and be prepared for rejection.

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